Female client of male MT with severe arousal problem
(Santa Cruz, Ca)
I know this is supposed to be a space for male MTs to ask questions, but I would like some insight into this. I am a woman who has been a client of my MT for 6 years, on and off. Usually we have weekly massages for periods of months or a year, followed by a break for a year or two.
My problem is this: I am aroused to the point of full-body near-orgasm the entire hour and a half of the massage and, what's worse, for about three days and nights thereafter, during which I obsessively fantasize about him and get no sleep whatsoever. Even a fleeting thought of him during the few days after the massage sends me into orgasm.
The massage is Thai-style, in other words, clothed on the floor.
I know all about transference issues but can't see through them here. I have the delusion that I am in love with this person. He is physically stunningly beautiful (in a natural sort of hippie way), very smart and sensitive, spiritual, and very young (much younger than me). He is seemingly unaware of his effect on me, although this I'm not sure about.
I am in a quandary. Am I being dishonest not to say anything about this? On the other hand, would saying something make it seem like I'm coming on to him (something I'd never do mainly, to be honest, only because I know I'm way too old for him)?
Should I stop the massages even though they benefit me physically (including health-wise), emotionally (makes me feel alive), and spiritually (makes me feel connected to the universe and God through him)? What would you MTs want in this situation?
I'm tying myself in knots over this. I can't bring myself to tell him about it in order to make him do other things that would stop the feelings. I want and enjoy these feelings too much.
Thanks for any insight.